January 17, 2009

Everyone around here...

Listening to Radiohead and decided to maintain my blogging street cred...

I wish there was an ex-girlfriend tracker service, like, a bunch of nice girls who would find out your ex-girlfriend's schedule so when you go out on the town you can avoid her like the plague.
I went to see Hedwig and the Angry Inch the other night. My boss played bass, and it was quite entertaining. If you haven't seen it/heard about it, there's not much to say other than it's a tranny rock opera. The entire experience would have been much more enjoyable if my ex wasn't there radiating awkwardness.

I wish I had pictures from the chinese buffet we went to today, but to recap:
Me and my good buds Tim, Mitch, and Gene all went to China A Super Buffet.
Gene ate sushi for the first time, and salmon for the second time in his life. This led to several hearty conversations about bears.
The waiter hung around like we were going to bail for basically our entire meal.
I ate some squid, but only a tiny bite. Tim ate a whole one, and Mitch and Gene were far too American for that shit.
They had that fake ice cream. What a tease. It looks like chocolate ice cream, but it's more like crappy frozen chocolate milk.

So in the spirit of the conversations I had about bears today, I would like to encourage anyone reading to try and find me videos of sharks fighting crocodiles in the Ganges river. I would be eternally grateful.

January 11, 2009

Postmodern Reflection

How can I escape the paradox?
Not thinking versus reflection?

January 08, 2009

Post-Foosball Madness

So last night the gang got together and had an epic Foosball tournament, which Gene dominated in a very Canadian fashion. I was playing pretty well at first, but then I got a few drinks in me and that was the end of any foosball talent I might have been accumulating.

I went and talked to a therapist for about 4 hours yesterday, which was not very much fun. We seriously didn't even finish my intake paperwork. So what I thought was going to be a relatively quick and painless route towards finding out if I'm nuts is turning about to be a one month process just to get started. He says I have severe depression mixed with ADHD. If anyone reading this knows me and is surprised by that, let me know.

I feel like I'm listening to less music when I'm by myself these days and I have no idea why. I have more music on my external hard drive than I've had at any time in my life in CD/tape/vinyl form, but for some reason I rarely actually listen to anything. Hopefully my new problem will eliminate this problem, since I won't be blogging/watching colbert/listening to music/setting my alarm in my living room anymore.
Seriously, why on earth would you only put one phone jack in the house? And in the kitchen? Ugh. My current house sucks, but it's satisfying knowing I've made it so much shittier this year.

So the last few years not being weird enough, and the last 8 months not being painful enough, it feels like all the people I screwed up relationships with in the past are coming back around, and I still feel ill-prepared to deal with people personally. Aside from Gene and Dr. Bedard, I don't really feel all that cheerful around other people.

I want a pet, but my roommate is allergic to cats. Is a dog in an apartment doable? It seems cruel to me, but it will just encourage me to take the dog on walks all the time right?
I probably should just stick with a goldfish or something.
I wish I could get a hedgehog. Or an ocelot.

Now that people are done writing, I have to admit: I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks the best things of 2008 were.
The Fest was rad.
Other than that, I'm pretty sure nothing happened that made 2008 "special". We're still fighting a bloody, pointless war. We still have a government that treats us with no respect. We still have people going hungry. And just about everyone, including myself, is still paralyzed in the dream of the pursuit of happiness, trapped in the amber of contentment. I heard recently that some people have a theory we're all trapped in the year 50 A.D. and there's an evil demon who's making us forget Christ is coming back, and all of human history is the sum of the people under the influence of the evil spell. Supposedly, enlightenment will come and we'll all be freed from the spell. I don't know how much of that I agree with, but there's some metaphor available for the cynical of heart in there.

People are waking here. I think I'm going to try and write more later, but eh. Maybe not.

January 02, 2009

Fucking people make me stressed.

I think today has been the kind of day that I can write a good post about the kinds of things people do to piss me off:

DIY/Vegan Guilt Trip-
I have some friends that are vegans, are into DIY, or are Straight Edge; I respect all the decisions they've made as that's their right as people.
That being said, if you work in the service industry (as I have most of my life), don't get a fucking attitude about my choices. Today a young lady was completely rude to me about ordering a breakfast burrito. Now, I'm no health/caring about other living things nut, but I don't like the taste of bacon or ham. But they don't let you do substitutions at this place, Shot in the Dark Cafe. So I don't bother customizing my burrito.
If you are a Tucson food service worker and reading this, please don't be like this girl and have me make a scene in your restaurant, call you a mannerless bitch, and throw the food you just made across the place before storming out.
Actually, I didn't do that. But I've visualized it so much the past four hours it feels like I have.

Indecisive Driver at a Four-Way Stop-
You are the dumbest person on Earth. I saw you were waiting at a four-way stop, and I know the rules of traffic, even if I am on a bike. So why the fuck did you sit there and stare at me? You just wasted your time and made me very angry. Yes, that is why I am screaming at you and gesturing violently in the direction you seem to be headed. Idiots.

"can you help me do something impossible?"-
This person might be a friend, a total stranger, an acquaintance, or possibly a frenemy. But at some point in the conversation, usually about something they want to accomplish, they hit a brick wall and KEEP GOING. Examples of this kind of idiot behavior:

"Sir, if you keep drinking, you are going to die?"
"Well, how am I supposed to drink then?"

"Sir, the music piece that you're looking for isn't in print" (all day long I tell people this)
"Well, where can I find it then" (All day long, assholes respond with this)

"Charlie, if you don't move out, I don't think we can be friends anymore."
"Oh...is it cool to stay until Wednesday then? I should have found a place to stay by then."
(If you haven't been Charlie before, you're either freakishly responsible or it's in your future.)

The Non-Foreign Foreigner-
I fucking hate when I can't understand what people are saying, which happens a lot thanks to my shitty hearing. And half the time I think people are speaking Spanish out here and it's just really bad English. I swear to Christ, today an actual English dude came in today to ask in we had any Black Flag tablature and I couldn't even tell at first he had an English accent, or that the band he wanted was in fact Black Flag. And it's not this dude's fault, I'm just not around a lot of people who speak English properly.

Michael Buble Fan-
I kind of want to save this for a different post about music I hate, but letme just clear the air real quick.
If you like Michael Buble, you need to be checked out for developmental disorders.
If you think that Michael Buble sings original songs, much less ones he wrote, you are in Terry Schiavo (thought about her lately?) country. "Save the Last Dance For Me" is most certainly not by Mr. Buble, who is a glorified karaoke singer. Gross.

I'm all ranted out. I feel very sleepy. Updates later...

The Weather Outside is Frightful

I watched the Rose Bowl today at Rusty's, where the wings were as hot as I'd hoped but not as good as Tim Corkill (good friend and pizza wizard) claimed they would be. Our waitress thought we skipped out on our bill when we went outside for a cigarette, which Tim found extremely amusing for some reason. My other friend Alaska showed up stoned at the end of the first quarter, changing things up quite a bit. When he gets stoned he behaves the way normal people act on mushrooms, despite smoking "since 1996". He frequently non sequiters "Mike, I'm losing my shit over here" and comments on the state of the tracers he can see.

Anyway, this guy was busy talking about his balls and making random commentary on the game while I was enjoying the nachos he'd purchased. I wish I could remember what we were talking about, but basically it's all a wash and wasn't all that amusing anyway. It was a decent game for a quarter, then USC went on a 24 point run and we decided to leave by halftime. So we went to Alaska's house and smoked out, after which Alaska beat the shit out of an old mattress with his nunchucks. At some point we realized one of Alaska's trees was actually of the color-changing variety. Out in Tucson, very few plants change their color during autumn; the only real noticeable difference between the seasons out here is whether people are bitching because swamp coolers don't work or because gas furnaces don't work.

So the tree. Yeah, it had yellow leaves that were formerly green. So we all talked about the times when we were each children (living in New Jersey, South Carolina, and Alaska) and somehow the topic of tree climbing came up, which is when I climbed the tree. I did it quickly and without hurting myself in any way, and then managed to get down without making too much of a mess. Alaska then mauled his arms trying to get up the tree, we made some bear comparisons, and then both Alaska and Tim proceeded to give me stern ass-whoopings in Foosball.

"Mike, we just double-teamed you." - Alaska


The day culminated in generous amounts of Metalocalypse and guitar playing.

I wrote some things last night, as sleep was difficult to obtain:

checked into a hurricane
left the incision wide open
the decision has been vetoed
by a vegetable person
play with the health in mind
medicine man
has more tan than eyelid
and a knife in his hand
cracked tooth and Karzai
like uranium sand
or a french toast powdering
in a third world country
with limbs struck off
on the floor of the Taco Bell

The sun's coming up. I'll write more later.